English for runaways

Steinmaus hat sie als Erster! - die Ergebnisse der englischen Rechtschreibreform. Hier der Originaltext:

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study to explore ways of improving efficiency in communication between government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult. For example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. It is hoped that the results of the study may be translated into more general guidelines for those companies operating in Europe whose general communications are based upon the English language. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staffed by top level government and business representatives from participating nations.

It is anticipated that any alterations to existing modes of spelling would be introduced over a number of years, in the hope that gradual adaptation will minimise confusion. A provisional time-scale for introducing some of the provisional recommendations has already been proposed. In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using s instead of the soft c. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve sush news with joy. The hard c could also be replaced with k, sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. In addition, the kommon spelling problem of i before e exsept after c would then be kompletely eliminated.

It is antisipated that there will be growing enthusiasm for the skeme by its sekond year, when it should be announsed that the troublesome ph should henseforth be written f. This would make words like fotograf twenty persent shorter in print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Government would enkourage the removal of double leters whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

We would surely al agre that the horible mes of silent es in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould painlesly drop them and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapened. By this tim, four years sins the begining of the skem, it is antisipated that peopl would be reseptiv to mor drastik steps sush as replasing th with z. Perhaps zen ze funktion of w kould be taken on by v, vish is, after al, half a w. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary o kuld be droped from vords kontaining ou. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis prozes yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a kompletli rashional riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis, and evrivun find it esi to understand esh ozer. Ze drems of ze govermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

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